Oh the Anxiety!

Ever since I was a kid I would get super nervous about things. Getting up in front of people, whether my peers or adults, and speaking. Going in to a room full of people that I did not know and having everyone turn to look at me. Not having a friend to go with me to events, etc. I was really shy as a kid but yet I could talk to the adult recess monitors on the playground like it was nothing. I ended up serving a mission for my church and while it was really nerve wracking to talk to people, I did better at one-on-one (or two-on-one in those cases, mostly) but ask me to speak in front of a group of people and my palms get sweaty, I imagine all the worst case scenarios, I feel like I am going to be sick, pass out, the whole nine yards. Shrug. It is what it is I suppose and it doesn't affect me much except for when it does. Like being expected to teach in Relief Society. Like showing up to events, all by myself because I dont have any friends who would go with me. It takes all the guts I can muster to walk through the doors of say, the gym in the church, to a room full of ladies who kind of know me or mostly don't know me. I remember going to the church for a Saturday morning activity with my sister and we were a little late. We stood in the hallway for what felt like forever, talking and debating on if we should go in or not. In the end, we left. Neither one of us could convince each other just to walk in to the room. And those were people we knew well, our home ward! Same with blogger events in Utah...unless I have a friend to go with ( I miss you Karina! Laura! ) then it's really super hard for me to go.

So..there is a Relief Society activity next Wednesday and I am in the same boat. Talking myself out of going. Messaged a lady in the ward to see if she is going to go so I can at least have peace of mind and settle my nerves that I will have someone to sit by. But she hasn't  responded and I'm sitting here talking myself out of going to what I am sure will be a fun activity.


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